Self-Deprecating Top Ten List

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I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

A colleague asked me the other day to try to come up with a list of the Top Ten Reasons To Date a Lawyer, to use on his radio show. Strangely enough, I couldn’t come up with a single one.

Fortunately, though, he also asked for a list of the Top Ten Reasons NOT To Date a Lawyer. Here it is:

10. Hands you a pre-nup on the first date.

9. Doesn’t return your phone calls.

8. Every time he tries to get close to you, has the annoying habit of saying “May I approach?”

7. Thinks a three-piece suit is appropriate beachwear.

6. No free consultations for loved ones.

5. Can’t calculate the tip at dinner because the only math he knows is how to divide by 3.

4. When you ask if he loves you, he says, “It depends.”

3. He’s already seen people in restraints.

2. In a fit of jealousy, subpoenas your underwear.

And the Number One Top Ten Reason Not To Date a Lawyer:

1. Are you kidding? He’a a lawyer!!

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6 Responses to Self-Deprecating Top Ten List

  1. Mike McCubbin 16 July 2014 at 2:00 pm #

    Send this on to Letterman (or Colbert soon, I suppose)

  2. Matt Martin 13 July 2014 at 11:20 pm #

    Love it, Phil. Thanks for your continuing contributions to the show.

  3. roger n. powell 3 July 2014 at 6:25 am #

    there is no gender differential! some of the most accomplished litigators are women-they generally have to be to equalize the presumption (level the playing field); and when they “get going…)so possibly, the 10 reasons more appropriately apply first to womer

  4. Claudia Brahm 2 July 2014 at 12:23 pm #

    I only can say: WUAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!!!!!!!

  5. Bruce Yasgur 30 June 2014 at 6:34 pm #

    What about female lawyers?

  6. Dot Meindok 30 June 2014 at 5:44 pm #

    Needed this laugh today! Guilty as charged. Very funny. Thanks.

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