From Russia with Love

I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…

I’m pretty sure Vladimir Putin has never called to speak with me, though I hang up on so many Russian comedians you never can tell. Russia has been a part of my life since my grandparents were born there; I’d hate to think I missed the chance to discuss the important issues with him: global warming, the persistent nuclear threat, Colorado DUI law.

So when Sir Elton John posted on his Instagram account this week that he had personally spoken with the Russian president, I was skeptical and maybe a little miffed. And even though a couple of Russian pranksters later claimed it was all a hoax, I’m not so sure, as I’ll explain in a moment.

Sir Elton gushed that he was “extremely honored to be speaking to one of the most influential (as it turned out, comedians) in the world.”

He added that “We can solve many issues together.” Issues like, apparently, comedic timing.

The singer’s better instincts kicked in, inadvertently, as he remarked, “I can’t believe he [Putin] found the time in his so busy schedule to call me.” I wouldn’t have believed it either.

Still, I wonder. Mr. Putin’s press secretary said that if Elton John ever did come to Russia, Mr. Putin would be thrilled to speak with him. And in the wake of the Republican presidential candidates’ musings on what their Secret Service code names would be if they were elected, I decided to call my Secret Service contact to find out if they have a code designation for the Russian president.

They do, and I was stunned.

Tiny Dancer.