I’m just a plainspoken Colorado criminal defense lawyer, but the way I see it…
Crimea update: An astounding ninety-seven percent of the peninsula’s residents voted yesterday to leave stodgy old Ukraine and instead team up with forward-thinking Russia. Thousands of helpful Russian troops kept watch over the voters, doing their best not to point their guns directly at the former Ukrainians.
Mysteriously, about three percent of the peninsula’s residents seem to have disappeared completely.
Meanwhile, President Obama announced stiff financial sanctions against Russian officials who organized the referendum, including top aides to Russian President Vladimir Putin, who no longer will receive one free fro-yo for every tenth purchase.